Authour’s note: This piece also appeared on Feb. 6, 2011 on HerCampus.com’s University of Iowa Chapter. You can check that out here.
Photo credit: Spitefully, Flickr
For women it seems like they’re everywhere. Couples walking down the Pedestrian Mall holding hands or cuddling on the Pentacrest, causing one of two reactions: longing or disgust.
If you’re one of the objectors, then more power to you. But, if you’re sitting there wishing for your Prince(ss) Charming, there are some things you need to consider about yourself before getting jealous.
Women often don’t have any easy time accepting themselves. We nitpick and nag ourselves to death, an endless inner monologue of emotion. It is this exact behavior that needs to be nipped in the bud before we even consider dating. A woman who isn’t sure of herself is never going to wind up with the right person. So be sure to ask yourself these questions before looking for love:
1. Are you comfortable with yourself? – Many of us aren’t. No matter your body type, major, hair color, GPA or part-time job, you should wake up most days feeling cool and confident in yourself and your personality. If you aren’t sure of yourself, (s)he won’t be either, and your relationship will start off on rocky ground. That’s not the place anyone wants to be. You’ve got to love you before anyone else will.
2. Do you know what you want out of life? – Thinking of backpacking through Europe after graduation? Picturing that high-profile job in Los Angeles? Dreaming about starting a family in the suburbs? Maybe your goals and aspirations are not that clean-cut, but it is important to have a vague idea before getting seriously involved with anyone. Knowing where you’re going will help you figure out how you’re going to get there. This will keep you from wasting time on a lot of mismatches on the way to the right person and may provide some good insight on where to meet him or her.
3. What are your priorities? – Do you spend a lot of time with family? Is the library or gym your home away from home? You’ve got to know yourself in order to live life to the fullest with or without a significant other. Knowing what you spend your time doing or thinking about will help you understand yourself better and have a much easier time in the dating world.
4. What are your deal breakers? – If you celebrated the smoking ban three years ago, you probably should not be dating a smoker. Knowing the kinds of things you cannot negotiate on will keep your relationships easy and fun, the way they should be. No one wants to become attached to someone that they can never fully accept. You are who you are and that’s great. The same principle applies to others. It is important that you figure out what you need before expecting someone to rise to unmeetable standards a few dates in.
Now that may seem like a lot of heavy thinking, but in reality those questions are all easily answerable. Try taking a walk with a close friend or hitting the gym with your iPod if you need some extra time to think about you. Once you’ve figured all that out, your path and your dating prospects will be much clearer.
Tags: advice, Brynne Schweigel, college, HerCampus.com, love, men, relationships, University of Iowa, women
